Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Conversations

Of late, it's been getting harder and harder to blog, for obvious reasons. Recently I've taken to using my trusty overseas book to pen down certain thoughts before I place them here (Almost the entire Riezz:EnK conversation was written there first), because well sometimes I just don't have the time to get down and blog. And I'm not alone, it's easy to tell that I'm not the only one blogging once a week or less.

Some of you may be wondering why this is a normal blogpost instead of a conversation, given how I've taken to them. Apart from time, I made another realization. I haven't been talking much about myself. While part of that is because I've a sibling who reads this, but that's irrelevent. Each and every conversation I wrote reflects an observation on my part, soemthing that happened or appeared that gave me this idea. On my part, I appreciate the compliments, but well. Conversation has a limit to its usefulness, after all drama is also about the silence that gets more across than the conversation that preceded it. Perhaps I've gotten less of a will to talk about myself and my life because of reasons like time, sis reading this, homework, and et cetera, but nonetheless it is present.

Maybe I've just wisened up and begun to take note of the fact that I've to work hard if I want my 36/45 points for IB at the end of the year. Or maybe I've just learnt that exposing your life to others isn't always such a good thing to do. Admittedly I've begun to know Klow less from talking to him, but more from reading his blog. But I don't silence my thoughts to hearing men only to voice it in visuals, so this doesn't benefit me.

Maybe it's the fact that a good number of people make misconceptions about what kind of person I am. It is always the case of the outward self against the inward self. When I portray my outward self too much, people like Darrell take it for granted and assume that's the me inside. Sure, I may be somewhat of an alpha male, but I can't really say that that's the reason why I don't take to Boey as well as I take to some others in class. Bryan's quite the egoist himself, I don't see ourselves getting along too badly. Darrell tells me next that I'm making enemies with my outward attitude. I ask him whom, and he can't answer. It's just weird being spoken of in a way that you aren't really.

I get calls from people while in class telling me that I'm being cynical again when I say something. I don't get it personally, after all I do believe that I've a better outlook and attitude towards life than a number of others. Yet few would see my view, Jarrel, Shaun, Klow, JX perhaps? Certainly more, but naming too many isn't the point. Jarrel told me that's because I'm speak out more often than the rest, hence my opinion is heard more. Makes sense, but the conclusion is difficult to take. When will this farcical and joking outwardly attitude of mine take over as my defining self instead of coexisting with my inner self? Who knows. Unlike Klow, few would bother to get to know me better. Curse or blessing? Who knows.

Nonetheless talking with those who know my better side is something to be thankful for. I am grateful for being able to sit next to JX, the ever underappreciated silent hero of our class. I doubt I'll be meeting anyone like him anytime soon anyway.

----------------------------------------------------

It's a world of laughter, a world of tears
It's a world of hopes and a world of fears
There's so much that we share that it's time we're aware
It's a small, small world.

There is just one moon and one golden sun
And a smile means friendship to everyone
Though the mountains divide and the oceans are wide
It's a small, small world.

It's a world of pain and a world of strife
But remember there still is joy in life,
Though fate may be your foe, know that you're not alone,
It's a small, small world.

Lie back where there's shade, feel the breezy wind,
Turn and see, there're more leaning on the tree,
Trees and grass, smiles and cries, clouds and skies, sweet goodbyes,
From the moon to the sun, it's all shared by everyone,
It's a small world after all!

-------------------------------------

Maybe I'm not that good at being a lyricist. >_>

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

The Sad, and The Pastor

The Sad: Don't think that I can take another empty moment. Don't think that I can fake another hollow smile. It's not enough just to be sorry; don't think that I could take another talk about it. No, you don't know what it's like when nothing feels alright; you don't know what it's like to be like me. There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface, consuming, confusing what is real.

The Pastor: Sometimes, in our lives, we all have pain. We all have sorrow. But if we are wise, we know that there's always tomorrow. Open your eyes, look up to the sky and see: It's a beautiful day, don't let it get away.

The Sad: I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy.

The Pastor: There's nothing you can do that can't be done, nothing you can sing that can't be sung, nothing you can say, but you can learn how to play the game. It's easy. There's nothing you can make that can't be made, no one you can save that can't be saved. It's easy. All you need is love.

The Sad: What is love? Don't hurt me, no more. Everybody always gave you what you wanted! You never had to work! It was always there! You don't know what it's like! What is love?!

The Pastor: They say it's a river that circles the earth, a beam of light shining to the edge of the universe. It conquers all; it changes everything.

The Sad: The river is wide, I can't get o'er, nor do I have like wings to fly.

The Pastor: Though the mountains are wide and the oceans divide, souls in the wind must learn how to bend. Dreams see us through to forever, as high as souls can fly.

The Sad: You think you know what everyone needs! Shut up! Don't wanna hear it! Don't tell me who I should be and don't try to tell me what's right for me! Don't tell me what I should do!

The Pastor: Cause you had a bad day you're taking one down. You sing a sad song just to turn it around---

The Sad: You don't know what it's like! To be on the edge of breaking down and no one's there to save you, no you don't know what it's like. I'm a nightmare, a disaster, that's what they always say. You can sit there and judge me say what you want to, we'll never let you in! Why don't you walk away? No buildings will fall down. No quake will split the ground. The sun won't swallow the sky. Statues will not cry. In the end it doesn't even matter! Should you stay or should you go? Well, if you don't have the answer. Why are you still standin' here?

The Pastor: ...your excuses, they make me wanna scream. Just save my breath and walk away. What if I do nothing? What if I just turn my back on you? If I say nothing? What if I just walk away from you?

(The Pastor leaves.)

The Sad: ...Right now, hear me out now! You're gonna listen to me, like it or not! Don't turn your back on me! I won't be ignored!

The Pastor:...time won't heal this damage anymore.

---------------------------------------

Okay, I seriously need help with editing this. >_> This is seriously a very hard thing to try and pull off. Oh well >_>

Meanwhile:

[09:54:31 PM] +BryaN+ Th: herrick...
[09:54:40 PM] +BryaN+ Th: do you ever feel like breaking down?
[09:54:46 PM] +BryaN+ Th: do you ever feel out of place?
[09:54:47 PM] CRAWLLLLING : Do you ever feel out of place?
[09:54:52 PM] +BryaN+ Th: like somehow you just dont belong
[09:54:56 PM] CRAWLLLLING : Like somehow you just don't belong
[09:54:58 PM] +BryaN+ Th: and no one understands you?
[09:54:59 PM] CRAWLLLLING : And no one understands you
[09:55:04 PM] CRAWLLLLING : NO YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE
[09:55:04 PM] +BryaN+ Th: ol
[09:55:06 PM] +BryaN+ Th: lol*
[09:55:15 PM] CRAWLLLLING : WHEN NOTHING SEEMS ALRIGHT
[09:55:22 PM] CRAWLLLLING : YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE LIKE ME
[09:55:26 PM] +BryaN+ Th: TO BE HURT
[09:55:29 PM] +BryaN+ Th: TO FEEL LOST
[09:55:33 PM] +BryaN+ Th: TO BE LEFT OUT IN THE DARK
[09:55:35 PM] CRAWLLLLING : TO BE KICKED
[09:55:37 PM] CRAWLLLLING : WHEN YOU'RE DOWN
[09:55:47 PM] CRAWLLLLING : TO FEEL LIKE YOU'RE BEING PUSHED AROUND
[09:55:50 PM] +BryaN+ Th: TO BE ON THE EDGE OF BREAKING DOWN
[09:56:01 PM] +BryaN+ Th: AND NO ONE'S THERE TO SAVE YOU
[09:56:03 PM] CRAWLLLLING : NO YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE
[09:56:07 PM] CRAWLLLLING : WELLLCOME TO MY LIFEEEEEEEEE
[09:56:07 PM] +BryaN+ Th: WELCOME TO MY LIFE

Monday, August 14, 2006

Riezz and the Eternal Wind

Eien no Kaze: I am the Eternal Wind, Riezz. That is all. Please, do speak.

Riezz: ...my apologies. It is rare to meet such an entity, let alone get to converse with it.

Eien no Kaze: I'm flattered, but it is indeed rare to converse with travellers.

Riezz: More your fault than mine. But honestly, what are you, anyway? The Eternal Wind cannot just be a mere breeze. Surely there is a reason as to why you are eternal.

Eien no Kaze: Haha, fine then. There're a few dead leaves around here, aren't there? *Some leaves blow into Riezz's hand* Throw them.

(Riezz throws them, and a sudden updraft brings up the centre, and the leaves in the centre soar up, followed by the surrounding ones. When they drop and fall, the ones in the centre are also the first.)

Eien no Kaze: can you hear it?

Riezz; Hear what?

Eien no Kaze: The voices.

Riezz: Faintly, but I know not to whom they belong to.

Eien no Kaze: The leaves, of course. Each and every leaf is calling out to be seen.

Riezz: Surely there is also the wind that lets to silent leaf speak.

Eien no Kaze: There is no trick. There is only life in me.

Riezz: Life?

Eien no Kaze: Life. it is as simple as that. Everything is set into motion by life. For those long gone who wish to move again, I am there to revive them temporarily.

Riezz: Truly? How much life can one feel he has, then?

Eien no Kaze: As much as it surrounds him. To he who runs with it, it surrounds him and is left behind in trails to challenge others. To he that runs against it, he fights the life of others. To he by the flames, it turns hot and burns with passion. To he by the sea, it would smell of the bravery of the sailors. To he by the pastures, nature's susurruses are calm and relaxing. To those whom machinery breezes past, it is but a magnification and reflection shown in the driver. And to travellers like you, the wind is but a haven that keeps you walking, is it not?

Riezz: Perhaps. Then who are you, that you are eternal?

Eien no Kaze: I am what's left of the voices of those whose spirits have triumphed over death and continue to live on in me.

Riezz: And yet you feel so majestic. Surely there be many unsung voices among that chorus of winds.

Eien no Kaze: indeed so, come breathe in the soul of an unsung one I found in the North.

Riezz: ...coffee?

Eien no Kaze: Yes, a rare one indeed. This breed lives only in the Northern plains, and is delicate to every action you make.

Riezz: A magnificent breed indeed. The aroma is rich and wonderful.

Eien no Kaze: There are many heroes like him, true masters of their art, living idealistically to carry on what they felt was most important in their lives. Interesting how one such person felt coffee was it, eh?

Riezz: Surely a triviality can be heroic as such as well.

Eien no Kaze: Haha, indeed. Travelling, after all, is but a triviality as well.

Riezz: Please don't make me sound noble. However, may I inquire as to one last thing?

Eien no Kaze: What would it be?

Riezz: May I try cutting you? I just happen to have this sword I bore from someone I met some time ago.

Eien no Kaze: What interesting thoughts the traveller has! I shall entertain you then. Go ahead, and try to cut me.

(Riezz runs, and does a straight slice through Eien no Kaze, then smiles, as if learning something.)

Riezz: This is a sharp sword that can cut steel effortlessly. It bears the soul of a person I met in the past, and in addition the souls of those it has taken. Yet despite tearing apart the very lives of humans, it cannot cut you. It has been said that one who cannot be cut is like the wind, for it is there once, and soon it is gone. I suppose, they are right?

Eien no Kaze: Haha, heavens no! The wind will always be there, it will never be gone. But do you understand why I cannot be cut?

Riezz: Because you are the wind?

Eien no Kaze: Fool, no! It is because I am the Eternal Wind, that which bears that which has already conquered death! Which man who has faced the grim reaper would shudder when meeting an assassin?

Monday, August 07, 2006

Riezz and the Rich Son

Riezz: And why are you alone?

Hikcrestni: Because no one wants to play with me.

Riezz: And why does no one want to play with you?

Hikcrestni: Because they see no value in me as a friend, and only see value in the money I bear.

Riezz: Why surely there is reason to that. Is there?

Hikcrestni: There is none; I am rich, nothing more to them. Naught of my thoughts, naught of my will, naught of anything else.

Riezz: I see, then. What is that you're using?

Hikcrestni: Oh, just some other laptop. Dad bought me this one because it was particularly high in quality in terms of technological prowness. The triple-processors on this make its efficiency for programs very good, even the most taxing of games is nothing to my 4 gigahertz laptop with 3.27 gigs of RAM.

Riezz: I apologize, but I'm somewhat unfamiliar with some terminologies, but I can gather enough just from the gist of it. What game are you playing right now, anyway? The graphics I see aren't usually so impressive.

Hikcrestni: Isn't it? My dad has connections, so he managed to get the Prerelease Limited Edition Diablo III Set. It's currently sold out and they have plans for waiting some time to patch up some stuff based on feedback before they release the official one. It did cost a bunch, though. Heard it was around $300 for the set alone. One of the most taxing games on my laptop, too.

Riezz: I see. A rarity indeed in your hands you have.

Hikcrestni: Well, what do you expect? There has to be payoffs for being so discriminated.

Riezz: May I try having a go at this game?

Hikcrestni: I don't mind, but I highly doubt that you are capable of actually mastering the game so easily.

Riezz: Haha, that's true. I guess I'll just walk around a bit first.

(Riezz walks across the playground and next sees a bunch of children gathered around another laptop of significantly inferior quality.)

Riezz: Another one, but less impressive. What game is this?

John: Oh, it's Street Fighter II!

Riezz: Certainly looks fun. How much would that have cost you?

Jack: Oh, how expensive it is is irrelevent, we all pooled in some cash together to get this game for Jane's birthday. This way the $70 pricetag can easily be conquered!

Riezz: Haha, true indeed. So two people fight each other by choosing characters?

Jill: Yeah! And it's really fun, too! Every game is always different because different strategies and tactics are used everytime! It's a game of outwitting your opponent and using the best methods to beat your enemy!

Riezz: Well, sounds fun. May I try?

Jane: Sure thing! It's really easy to play!

(Riezz plays a few games with them, and walks back to where Hikcrestni is)

Hikcrestni: Where were you?

Riezz: Playing a few games with 4 kids under the slide.

Hikcrestni: Hmph, them.

Riezz: And you've been playing that game all this time?

Hikcrestni: Duh. Good games take time to complete.

Riezz: But this seems awfully repetitive, doesn't it. I've saw you kill the same monsters in this area just now. Why keep at it?

Hikcrestni: Friend, it's called farming. I'm looking for this rare item that only Obsidian Guardians drop, and this is where they spawn the most.

Riezz: Seems less fun than what they were doing. Why don't you play multiplayer games like fighters?

Hikcrestni: What were they playing?

Riezz: Uh, Street Fighter II, I believe.

Hikcrestni: Haha, that's old. I'll show you the latest one. It's Street Fighter IV Beta. Isn't it amazing and cool? I play this alot when I get bored with Diablo.

Riezz: Well, I guess that's fine and all, but how'd you play a fighting game by yourself? Aren't humans better to play against?

Hikcrestni: Please, did any of them actually play well? I can just set the difficulty AI to Lunatic here and it'll be five times tougher than whatever those kids can do. That's not to say that I can't beat it then. But well, I don't play this game too much. It gets boring quickly. The AI can't match my skill.

Riezz: Ok... just one question?

Hikcrestni: Entertained.

Riezz: Why are you alone?

Hikcrestni: Because no one wants to play with me.

Riezz: And why does no one want to play with you?

Hikcrestni: Because they see no value in me as a friend, and only see value in the money I bear.

Riezz: Why surely there is reason to that. Is there?

Hikcrestni: There is none; I am rich, nothing more to them. Naught of my thoughts, naught of my will, naught of anything else.

Riezz: Is it their fault they see naught of your thoughts, your will, or anything else?

Hikcrestni: You expect me to spoonfeed my life to them?

Riezz: You expect them to be so gracious to you? Let me ask you instead: Why do you not like playing simple fighter games?

Hikcrestni: Because the Lunatic AI bores me.

Riezz: ...well, fine.

Hikcrestni: Well, that's been alot of questions, I hope you realize. Now I do have to go back to farming. These Blood Swords sell for alot on D3 Online.

Riezz: Fair.

(Riezz goes onto the swing and sits down. In one corner he sees Hikcrestni playing and smiling. In the other he sees Jane, Jack, Jill and John playing and smiling.)

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Fragmentations

I do not think I shall be blogging for a while.

Honestly, I do wonder what this blog is for. When I first made a blog, I thought that it'd be useful for chroniclizing my life, but instead you can tell that the blog isn't actually much of a diary. I must of course thank it for keeping track of what kind of person I've been up till now, though.

But look at it. This blog has turned from a blog of randomness into a blog of quizzes into a blog of games into a blog of stories. Somehow my blog has turned from 149 to 1000 to 8333 visitors, 5 per day to 10 to for some reason, 35 right now.

Some people respect me for what I write. I mean, Year 5 people read my blog, that means people irrelevent to my normal school life read my blog. Karan thinks I write well. I uh appreciate that. But see, what has that done for my image?

I write stories that reflect what I see in life. But why are they so mystical and fantastical? I'm confused on what to do with my stories too. I've just too many conversations in mind to actually write them all down at once.

Reading the Crucible is in addition making me wonder if I should write my own similar play. I mean, a play in text is ultimately conversations between people, right? This would just be an extension. But that would give it a Singaporean element. And that isn't what I've been doing up to now. In fact, I really find it hard to see how this blog really gives off any particular Singaporean vibes, except for maybe one or two blogposts ABOUT Singapore. See. Now my writing's at a standstill again.

...as you can see I'm doing this to loosen my mind of thoughts so I can get back to homework. Fragmentations out. Maybe the next time I'm here I'll be more certain of my blog's identity, haha. >_>